You Got out of a DUI???

Culver City, CA

After dropping someone off from Santa Monica, I decided to rest at the side of the road for a few minutes.

I get summoned to the other side of the 405 fwy to Duquesne Ave.  This guy gets in laughing. I ask what’s so funny.

He said, I totally just got away with a DUI for the 3rd time.

I was thinking to myself, “That’s nothing to be proud of.”

Curious as to how he managed this feat, I asked him.

He said the first time, they put him in the back of their vehicle and failed to read him his Miranda rights, since he had refused to blow.  He called 1800NoCuffs and let them know at the precinct he was taken to, and they immediately requested his release.

The second time, I was caught,  I purposefully hit my head on the car getting out of the vehicle and dropped to the ground in pain. Then pretended to be very dizzy, so they couldn’t sobriety check me.  They wanted me to blow but I told them I had nausea from hitting my head. Then I had my friend who was sober with me offer to take me to urgent care. They released me since they couldn’t do anything to prove I wasn’t just hit in the head.

This time, I refused to blow, I said I am a germaphobe and I can’t see putting something in my mouth that I don’t know where its been. I said yes to the blood test. So they took me back here, I waited almost 2 hours for a phlebotomist to arrive. Then I asked to speak to my lawyer, because I wasn’t sure this was the right thing to do, and I needed legal council. Then after calling the lawyer he agreed he’d be down in another 2 hours to speak with me to help me decide the best course of action.  He arrived 10 minutes later than he said, then stated to me that its not necessary to do a blood test, that I should just blow into a clean new tester.  So I blew, and by now I was so low that it didn’t register. So, we are going to go pick up my car.

I hope this guy doesn’t get anyone killed.


You Got out of a DUI???

You Aren’t Ready!

Santa Monica, CA


Cruising down the streets of Santa Monica, on my way towards WEHO, when again… I’m doomed by another Summon.

Two guys hop in the back seat from Q’s Billiard Club.  Both are completely smashed. The first thing out of their mouth was how they were heading to West Hollywood and they were doing a terrible impression of being gay. So I upstaged them and ruined their momentum for catching on.

We chit chatted back and forth with puns and jokes, that weren’t that funny, they were just that drunk… and high. I swore I saw one doing coke in my back seat, but I couldn’t be sure, he could have just had a very bad case of allergies ….

Guy number 1 keeps talking about Jamie the bartender at Q’s.  Guy 2 keeps making cock jokes.  Finally they get half way to where they are going when Guy 1 starts talking about how he has to make it back to his fiance’s because they have a dinner to go to.

This struck me as odd, since he was so smashed and they had plans for dinner.

He went on how they had been together for 8 years and finally she forced him to ask her to marry her.

I said,” You are engaged, yet you were saying a few minutes ago that you could have had any girl at the bar you were at earlier.”

Guy 1 said, “Well yeah but I didn’t.”

I said,” Do you ever accidentally call your Fiance your wife?”

He thought about it and shook his head no.

I then asked, “You knew you had a dinner to go to tonight, but you went to Q’s. Is the reason you went there first, because you wanted to see this girl Jamie?”

Guy 2 blurts out, “Oh my fucking God, you want Jamie, how could it be so obvious but I didn’t see it?”. He starts to laugh.

Guy 1 says,”Fuck you!”.

Guy 1 pauses then says,” I’m not ready to be married, and I do want Jamie”.

I told him, “Its better to call it off if you are just going to end up cheating on her. Better to have her find someone else than be stuck with kids and no husband because you left her for someone else.”

Guy2, “Man your like a fucking Dr. Phil”.

Guy1,” I didn’t want to get married anyhow.”

I’m not sure that was the best advice, but from the sounds of it, this guy has it pretty bad for another woman, and I may have saved his fiance a miserable life.



You Aren’t Ready!