OH NO GRANDMA!! What a Filthy Mouth You have.

Warning This was Highly Disturbing to me, as I’m sure it will be to you…

Malibu, CA

The night air was crisp and the sky was clear. The light from the Moon danced off the ocean as I continued down PCH waiting for a ride.

I was summoned.

As I arrived to pick up my passenger, he came out to my car and said, “You’ll be taking my mother-in-law home from the wedding. Her mouth has forced us to kick her out. Please don’t judge her too poorly for what she says, she’s very drunk”.

I pause, and am about to say, “Sorry I can’t take another passenger, only the one who summoned me… a lie… but then the lady stumbles out, 4’8” tall (I may be giving her an inch or two more than she is), portly to say the least, and barely walking.

She gets into my car, very slowly, and the first thing that she says is, “Fuck the wedding, I just want to be home on my computer anyhow.”

She then asks me to guess her age. When I don’t respond, because I don’t want to engage in conversation with her, she says 71 years old.

Then she tells me how she was married for 40 years to her husband before he passed away. She talked about how they had met and married in 3 days. She said he was the love of her life and he treated her really well, even when she became over weight.

I started to think the conversation wasn’t so bad. The story was sad and sweet… and then she destroyed any sentiment when she said, “Staying married that long requires being really good at putting your mouth on a mans cock. He never made me orgasm internally, but he sure could lick my clit the right way.

I almost crashed… yet another image that is burned in my mind… forever… so this is what hell is like.

She went on to talk about how she had a clit vibrator now and how it just doesn’t work as well.

Then she went on about some website called vaughnlive.tv and how she met her last boyfriend there. She said she really liked him and that they had a wonderful time together.

I made the horrible mistake of asking her why they broke up…

She said, ” Well he was 56 years old and I’m 71… but thats not the reason… He ended up going to jail for flashing people at a mall. It makes me so sad. Although I think he was gay because he use to really love to use my dildo in his butt.”

I started praying to god that she would just stop… but she didn’t…

“I’m starting to think that my vagina is smelling like tuna fish, because all I eat is tuna fish salad every day.” She said randomly.

“Oh I can’t wait to get home and get on the computer. All the guys love me there. All we talk about is my moist hole. You wouldn’t think that many people would be into a 71 year old, but online I’m a dirty little whore.”

My brain at this point I believe was starting to melt. I was sure that at any moment my ears would just disintegrate and I would be left in a peaceful world without sound.

Then a miracle happened. We arrived.

She got out and blew me a kiss and a wink, then closed the door. It was the first time in my life I understood why emo people cut them selves to bleed out the pain.

I drove home feeling like the bad woman had touched my brain funny.



OH NO GRANDMA!! What a Filthy Mouth You have.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s