A Bum Deal Gone Bad

Los Angeles 2:15am

You’ve never seen Los Angeles, the real Down Town, until you have traversed the one-way streets in the middle of the night while the city sleeps. The rats the size of cats scurry into the sewers as you drive bye. The homeless people in their tents send puffs of smoke out through their vents. Ambulances fly towards another victim here or overdose there, while the strippers get into their BMWs and head home for the night.

Los Angeles, a filthy disgusting sewer in the night, and well… I was trudging through it.

The light post flickered above me, and another bum fell asleep to his whiskey, slowly sliding to the side walk with a vacant expression of relief and numbness. Then the summons came and I was in for another LA treat.

I pulled around the corner from Skid Row, hesitant to pick anyone up, as this is not the area to do so. Then they ran around the corner and tried to get into my locked car. Two guys dressed in fancy clothes, with a shear look of horror on their faces. I quickly unlocked the car, they got in, and then I locked the doors just in time.

The men were freaking out, and as I was trying to look around to see why, as I putting the car into drive. Then I got my answer, a homeless guy came up screaming in front of my car, his palm splayed openly towards the windshield as if in accusation. His face told a story of madness, liquor and heavy drug use, his eyes spoke of shear madness.

Spitting out every word, which were very few, he almost screamed… in fact he might have been screaming… BUY MY CRACK!

At this juncture I was about back up, but there were pedestrians behind me, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to make it around the guy without hitting him.


Clearly he meant the little rocks in his palm, and by crack… yeah he meant crack.

I asked the two in the back what the hell happened, just in time for a cop car to show up. Magically the bum started chasing imaginary birds, as if nothing had happened.

The two in the back started to laugh, hard.

Then one said, “We heard bums have connections to coke down here. So we asked that guy if he had any for sale. He then pulled out those rocks and said it was crack, same thing. We said we wanted coke not crack, and he went all psycho on us, yelling at us to buy his crack.”

The other guy interrupted and said, “Thats when I summoned the Uber and ran”. They both started laughing, then the second guy asked, ” Do you know any Hookers?”. Then said never-mind and had me drive them to a late night strip club.

I dropped them off, clearly they were out for trouble and things would probably not go well for them.


A Bum Deal Gone Bad

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