My Keys!

Its about 7pm in the evening in Santa Monica.


I’m summoned to Santa Monica College on a Lyft Line. I’ve got one passenger behind me who’s pretty chill and just wants to get home as fast as possible…. Well… that didn’t happen.

As I’m about to slow down and park where this guys location is at this 19 year old jumps out in the middle of traffic to stop me.

I had to hit my breaks hard, almost causing someone else behind me to hit me.

He jumps in the car and said, “Okay, you know where to go right?”. I nod to the gps and he says, ” Great!”.

We’re driving for about 8 minutes when he discovers he does not have his keys on him. With the permission of the other passenger, we head back so he can go find his keys.

Its getting pretty dark by the time we arrive, and the passenger jumps and starts to search for his keys.  He can barely see anything, so he takes out his phone to use as a flashlight.

Both my self and the other passenger start to laugh when we see his keys fall to the ground when he pulls out his phone. Then we laugh even harder when he doesn’t see that he’s dropped them and starts to wander in the opposite direction of where they fell.

Now we, in the car, are good samaritans, as such we decide its better just to let him look for his keys, rather than tell him where they are at… it took him a good 15 minutes, throwing his fists up in the air in frustration, going in circles, and walking back and forth thinking, before he came across his keys.

By this time both of us in the car were in tears, we didn’t think there would be any more room for laughing… until he shot his arm up in the air, in a triumphant announcement of … I HAVE FOUND MY KEYS!!!! Yeah, we lost it.

He gets back in the car, oblivious to the fact that we had been laughing, and we continue to go drop him off… When I’m about to stop the car to drop him off, he opens the door and jumps out, while the vehicle is still in motion… Kids about as sharp as a bowling pin.

My Keys!

Help I’ve been Drugged!

6:00am in the morning, Turtle Rock, California:

I just got done dropping off 2 sets of swingers and was trying to figure out how I was going to make it back up to L.A. . On cue I’m summoned 12 miles away to pick up someone. I figured its heading in the right direction, so I might as well go there.

Half a mile into my trip, the phone rings…

I’ve been drugged, how far away are you?

I’m about 18 minutes away currently.

Are you fucking serious?! I’ve been drugged, I need you here faster than that!

Are you okay? Maybe you should call an ambulance?

Just get here, you are such and asshole, I could be dying right now.

She hangs up the phone and I continue towards Turtle Rock.

I’m about 10 minutes from her pickup, when I receive another phone call…

Where the hell are you? Can’t you drive any faster, are you incompetent? Don’t you know how to drive? I can’t believe you are so stupid.

I’m 10 minutes until pickup.

Break the law, go faster I need to get out of here. I’ve been drugged. The last uber driver just left me here when they got here. He was such a dick! Your a fucking dick too! I hate you! I’m just going to call my Dad to come pick me up.

Okay, whatever you want to do.

No just drive faster, what are you, a creep? Your another fucking creep!

She hangs up the phone and I’m seriously considering just leaving her ass where she’s at, but I know she’s been drugged, and that can cause you to lash out quite a bit so I grin and bear it.

I arrive at the point on the map its showing she’s at… which … is on a hill. Now I think I’m being pranked…. and she calls.

What is wrong with you, are you so stupid you can’t see me? Are you a moron? Are you an inbred Patel? .. (seriously she said that wtf?)

I turned around and went past another driveway, where I barely spot her hiding behind a black post,  in the gateway, wearing a black outfit, she couldn’t have been more than 20….

She gets in the car…

I should have fucking canceled this trip. You are obviously some kind of creep. Just drive me to my destination you fucking Patel!

We drive around and we make it to near the John Wayne Airport.  She’s cussing at me the whole way, and I’ve given up even remotely listening to her.  Then we arrive… She gets out of the vehicle and there is this, couldn’t have been younger than, 60 year old guy with a shaved down mohawk and go-T waiting for her.

She gets out of the car and cries to him that she’s been drugged, and then they make out for a second before going inside….. Ratchet!

Help I’ve been Drugged!