That Is Not Taffy

I picked up this guy who was tripping pretty badly, I think on acid.

He got in the car and asked if I had anything to eat.

I told him there was candy in the upper pocket of the cubby holder in the back.

A few minutes later he told me the taffy I had in the back was the best he’d ever had.

Knowing that I didn’t have taffy, I immediately turned around to look.

He had taken one of the feminine pads I carry in my car, and had started eating one.

I nearly drove off the road.

That Is Not Taffy

The Hollywood Power Play

I picked up this girl sporting sunglasses and wearing next to nothing.

We got around to speaking, and I asked if she had a fun night.

She said,”I got Hollywood power played last night.”

Obviously having no clue what that was, I asked.

She told me,”It’s when a guy doesn’t have a chance in hell with you, so he busts out the coke”.

So I said, “Did it work?”

She didn’the answer.

The Hollywood Power Play

Big City Baller

Sometimes their are some crazy, fun, awesome people out there.

This one was a Baller, coming into my car with the ladies. He had me stop by the store, on the way to his destination, just to get me a bottle of champagne and a huge tip. He did this for no other reason than to make my day.

Hats off to the Big City Baller.

Big City Baller

Things you can !!NEVER!! unsee.

Sometimes you are just driving along, minding your own business, when suddenly the unexpected collides with reality.

It was 3am. I was driving down the deserted streets of Santa Monica. All the lights were green, and I hadn’t had a passenger for about 20 minutes.

As I drove up to the corner of Santa Monica and North El Centro Ave, the light finally turned red. I was alone… in my car… feeling scared and vulnerable… watching a horror unravel before my very eyes.

She was about a 24 year old Big…Really Big…. Extremely BIG  woman. I am talking about 350+ lbs overy 6′ tall. She wore a short brown wig on her head, a biker style black leather hat, and a long leather jacket.

These in them selves were not truly bad. What was horrifying, was the intent that was written on her face. She gave me, what I could only call, a semi retarded goofy broad smile.

Before I could avert my eyes, it happened. It seemed like an eternity, as it will be forever replaying itself in my brain. She ripped open her jacket, and revealed everything that you never wanted to see in life.

With a gift of small fortune, the light turned green, as I gratefully drove away in the cold sweat of shock.

Things you can !!NEVER!! unsee.

Welcome to The Ratchet Hour

The Ratchet Hour, consists of stories derived from real incidences of misbehavior and misfortune, that occur on occasion while driving for Ridesharing Companies. No names are used, just the incidences that have occurred.  I hope you have a good laugh and enjoy.20141114_092323

Welcome to The Ratchet Hour