Welcome to The Ratchet Hour

The Ratchet Hour, consists of stories derived from real incidences of misbehavior and misfortune, that occur on occasion while driving for Ridesharing Companies. No names are used, just the incidences that have occurred.  I hope you have a good laugh and enjoy.20141114_092323

Welcome to The Ratchet Hour

So I could use a Little Help

https://www.gofundme.com/NavigationFund

 

Please click the link if you can help donate towards the replacement of my naviagtional unit. $1.00 helps towards the 3800.00 bill that I’m facing, and I haven’t gotten to work much lately due to injuries sustained from being run over by a car in late 2015.  Everything helps and is much appreciated. Lyft only covered 250.00 for the damages, and said they would not cover any more nor give me their insurance company to help pay for the damages that are exceeding 2500.00 which is how much their deductible is for their insurance.

I appreciate you and your help.

Sincerely,

Derek

So I could use a Little Help

A Little Puke Goes a Long Way

February 25th  Santa Barbara:

I had an incredible ride from LAX all the way to Santa Barbara.  Now I was looking forward to a great Saturday Night, Lyfting Passengers all over the City.

At about 12:35 am I was called to the Spearmint Rhino to pick up 3 roudy Middle Aged men.

One was talking about how he wants to move to Thailand with his wife, so that he can sleep with prostitutes behind her back…  He stated, ” Have you seen Rush Hour?”

I said, ” Yes… I don’t think anyone hasn’t…”

Well , you see its just like that, you go in a room, they bring out a bunch of women, they are designated a color or number, you choose the woman you want and its just that easy.

His other friend in the back said, ” I think your wife would get angry with you for that.”

He said, “She’s use to it, her dad slept with whores all the time, its not technically cheating because your not emotionally involved.”

This non-sense conversation lasted until we got to their house. Ironically the guy in the front was passing out, and the guy who wanted to move to Thailand, had his friend completely convinced that prostitutes were not cheating… (I’ll take a moment here to face-palm myself).

So the two wander off to their house and leave me with the guy that is passed out in my front seat.

I wake him up and ask if he’s feeling nauseas, he says he’s fine, just get him home.

Less than a block from his house, he sneezes… and projectile vomits at the same time.  It was like a waterfall cascaded down the front of my dash board and GPS system.

I’ve been driving for 3 years and never had a problem with anyone puking in my car.  This one blew out my Navigational system and cost over 140.00 in detailing to clean out everything…. RATCHET

A Little Puke Goes a Long Way

You Got out of a DUI???

Culver City, CA

After dropping someone off from Santa Monica, I decided to rest at the side of the road for a few minutes.

I get summoned to the other side of the 405 fwy to Duquesne Ave.  This guy gets in laughing. I ask what’s so funny.

He said, I totally just got away with a DUI for the 3rd time.

I was thinking to myself, “That’s nothing to be proud of.”

Curious as to how he managed this feat, I asked him.

He said the first time, they put him in the back of their vehicle and failed to read him his Miranda rights, since he had refused to blow.  He called 1800NoCuffs and let them know at the precinct he was taken to, and they immediately requested his release.

The second time, I was caught,  I purposefully hit my head on the car getting out of the vehicle and dropped to the ground in pain. Then pretended to be very dizzy, so they couldn’t sobriety check me.  They wanted me to blow but I told them I had nausea from hitting my head. Then I had my friend who was sober with me offer to take me to urgent care. They released me since they couldn’t do anything to prove I wasn’t just hit in the head.

This time, I refused to blow, I said I am a germaphobe and I can’t see putting something in my mouth that I don’t know where its been. I said yes to the blood test. So they took me back here, I waited almost 2 hours for a phlebotomist to arrive. Then I asked to speak to my lawyer, because I wasn’t sure this was the right thing to do, and I needed legal council. Then after calling the lawyer he agreed he’d be down in another 2 hours to speak with me to help me decide the best course of action.  He arrived 10 minutes later than he said, then stated to me that its not necessary to do a blood test, that I should just blow into a clean new tester.  So I blew, and by now I was so low that it didn’t register. So, we are going to go pick up my car.

I hope this guy doesn’t get anyone killed.

Ratchet.

You Got out of a DUI???

You Aren’t Ready!

Santa Monica, CA

 

Cruising down the streets of Santa Monica, on my way towards WEHO, when again… I’m doomed by another Summon.

Two guys hop in the back seat from Q’s Billiard Club.  Both are completely smashed. The first thing out of their mouth was how they were heading to West Hollywood and they were doing a terrible impression of being gay. So I upstaged them and ruined their momentum for catching on.

We chit chatted back and forth with puns and jokes, that weren’t that funny, they were just that drunk… and high. I swore I saw one doing coke in my back seat, but I couldn’t be sure, he could have just had a very bad case of allergies ….

Guy number 1 keeps talking about Jamie the bartender at Q’s.  Guy 2 keeps making cock jokes.  Finally they get half way to where they are going when Guy 1 starts talking about how he has to make it back to his fiance’s because they have a dinner to go to.

This struck me as odd, since he was so smashed and they had plans for dinner.

He went on how they had been together for 8 years and finally she forced him to ask her to marry her.

I said,” You are engaged, yet you were saying a few minutes ago that you could have had any girl at the bar you were at earlier.”

Guy 1 said, “Well yeah but I didn’t.”

I said,” Do you ever accidentally call your Fiance your wife?”

He thought about it and shook his head no.

I then asked, “You knew you had a dinner to go to tonight, but you went to Q’s. Is the reason you went there first, because you wanted to see this girl Jamie?”

Guy 2 blurts out, “Oh my fucking God, you want Jamie, how could it be so obvious but I didn’t see it?”. He starts to laugh.

Guy 1 says,”Fuck you!”.

Guy 1 pauses then says,” I’m not ready to be married, and I do want Jamie”.

I told him, “Its better to call it off if you are just going to end up cheating on her. Better to have her find someone else than be stuck with kids and no husband because you left her for someone else.”

Guy2, “Man your like a fucking Dr. Phil”.

Guy1,” I didn’t want to get married anyhow.”

I’m not sure that was the best advice, but from the sounds of it, this guy has it pretty bad for another woman, and I may have saved his fiance a miserable life.

 

 

You Aren’t Ready!

Prop 58 Fun

So some how Google has managed to sell my phone information yet again.  I changed the name on my phone to Jesus Martinez… I got a phone call today for a Jesus Martinez…

I speak a little Spanish, so I was very amused at this turn of events. Especially when it was someone calling me to explain proposition 58. They were trying to convince me that it would be a good thing if students could learn bilingually in a classroom. Especially those children who have crossed here from central America looking for refuge from the violence.

I peaced this together, as my Spanish is pretty horrible.  So as the long speech ended. She asked me if I understood in Spanish.

I answered yes I did.

She then asked if I was going to vote for prop 58.  I said in Spanish, no it sounds very very bad.

She high pitch said, “Que???!!!”.

I made a point to say no, it sounds very very bad.

She paused. She then said wait a second in Spanish. Someone else came on the phone and said, something I didn’t understand very well, so I said what?

They repeated it again, I think they said, why do you think prop 58 is bad… but I’m not sure.

So I said, “No say”. Then I said, “very bad again”.

The guy on the other side actually got very irate, and sounded like he was threatening me that I needed to vote yes. So I hung up.

My job was complete. I finally annoyed a telemarketer back for telemarketing to me.

Side Note:  Its very interesting that there were no required signatures needed for proposition 58 or 59. I find this a little strange.

Ballot Measures for California Showing 58 and 59 with no Signatures to get on the Ballot.

Prop 58 Fun

WTF Marilyn Manson

Santa Barbara, CA

I was summoned to Montecito, on a very eerie day.  The fog was stirring off the coast, and as I started towards the hills, it gathered and poured into the hillside. It wisped around  trees and almost looked like fingers stretching out across the road.  Mesmerizing is the only word for its slow flowing movement.

I reached my destination and a man in his late 30’s gets in.

He doesn’t seem interested in conversation, so I ask if he wants me to turn on the radio. He says, “No, I have to make a phone call.” .

This is that one sided conversation.

Reed! Hey its Chuck.

You aren’t going to believe this.

Yes, I can wait a second.

Okay, get this, apparently Marilyn Manson is making some kind of Androgynous S&M porn.

No, I’m not kidding, Rich just told me about it.

Yeah, He’s out in the Hollywood Hills right now.

It didn’t sound like it was just another stunt for the media.

Haha, yeah I bet it will top Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson’s vid.

Hey, I have to run, I’m meeting Nicole out for dinner.

Sure, I’ll update you if Rich finds out anything else.

He then exited my vehicle… leaving me with a lot of unanswered questions like… WTF is Androgynous porn…

I guess the world will know soon.

WTF Marilyn Manson